Navy Humour

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, ' Royal Australian Navy, Admiral, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons.'

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, ' Royal Australian Navy, Admiral, retired. Married, two sons, both Judges.'

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Royal Australian Navy, Chief Petty Officer, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.

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Having just moved into his new office, a new Commander was sitting at his desk when a "Greenie" (navy electrician) knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the Commander quickly picked up the phone, told the Greenie to enter, and then said into the phone, 'Yes, Admiral, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.' Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young Rating, he asked, 'What do you want?'

'Nothing important, sir,' the R16;GreenieR17; replied, 'I'm just here to link up your telephone.'

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Officer: 'Matelot, do you have change for a pound?
Matelot: 'Sure, mate.'
Officer: 'That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do you have change for a pound?'
Matelot: 'No, SIR!'

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A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The Admiral shouted, 'Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!'

The Chief turned to his barber and said, 'Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

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'Well,' snarled the Naval Officer to the bewildered sailor, 'I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave'.

'Not me, sir!' the sailor replied. 'Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!'